Do feminists have an obligation to “out” themselves?

Last week Rick Mercer inspired a welcome debate about whether or not gays and lesbians who survived the hell that high school often is for them to become successful leaders in their field have an obligation to own their sexual orientation in a public way.  Although sympathetic to queer teachers and politicians, business leaders and entertainers, who just want to be known for their capabilities and actions, rather than their sex lives, I deeply admire those who do come out of the closet. Their willingness to publicly claim this aspect of their identity helps counter reductive stereotypes, challenge prejudices and make the world an easier, safer place for gays and lesbians of all ages.

Then yesterday, ForbesWoman contributor, Victoria Pynchon blogged about a related dilemma. In her post, “Will Feminism Hurt Your Career?” she makes a compelling case for why this, too, is a critically important act. Responding to a reader wanting to know if her aspirations as a lawyer would be negatively affected if she applied the “f” word to herself, Pynchon wrote:

“If you have something important to say about the status of women in the law and you don’t say it, it might not get said. And women who need support, whose spirits are flagging because they don’t hear your voice in the desert, might suffer a spiritual death from thirst.

She went on to remind readers that:

“I grew up in a culture that actively discouraged and permissibly discriminated against women in the labor force. Then women raised their voices up on their own behalves and everything changed. The language changed. Women entered the professions and the police forces and fire departments, the skilled trades, journalism, politics, sports! in droves.

We changed the world and our place in it. Once there, many of us stifled ourselves like Archie Bunker famously told his T.V. wife Edith to do… It was a joke but we were stifling ourselves. And our participation in the higher ranks of American business, politics, religious life, and the professions remains depressingly, intractably, unacceptably low.”

In addition to being effective in the relatively small world of our jobs, don’t most of us also want to be effective and made a difference in the broader world of our society? — the arena that determines not just whether we succeed, but whether those without our privileges have the opportunity to as well?

Claiming yourself as a feminist — male or female — does come with risks. Notwithstanding the definition of the word as one who supports gender equality, it has baggage, it’s negatively viewed by many. But as long as 300 gay teens are committing suicide in this country, skilled immigrants are wasting their education driving taxis, and date rape remains a problem, speaking up for equitable treatment — not just of women, but of gays and lesbians, racialized and religious minorities, Aboriginal peoples, those living with mental and physical disabilities — remains necessary.

IBM CEO and the female confidence issue

It’s 1997, and I’m on the phone in the home office space I share with my husband. He’s leaping up and down and gesticulating wildly in an effort to change the words coming out of my mouth.

Why? Because I’m telling a CBC radio reporter that “I’m not really the best person” to pontificate on the subject at hand.

When I hang up, he chastizes me mercilessly, pointing out that all the reporter really needed was a 15-second sound bite, and surely I know enough about the issue to have given him that. He’s right of course, and the irony is that only a few years before this incident, I’d complained about the number of truly expert women who had offered exactly the same reason when declining to be listed in a resource guide designed to make it easier for journalists to find women experts.  And in dozens of conversations with women experts over the past 18 months, I’ve heard a multitude of similar stories.

Is it possible that behind every competent woman who overcomes her socialized reluctance to assume authority, there has to be an encouraging man to remind her of her relative worth?

I’m sure this is not always the case, but this week it was incoming CEO of IBM, Virginia Rometty, who confessed that early on in her career she hesitated about accepting a big job, uncertain about whether she had sufficient experience. According to a New York Times article, it was her husband who challenged her to reflect on the likelihood of any a man with similar credentials reacting the way she had.

“What it taught me was you have to be very confident, even though you’re so self-critical inside about what it is you may or may not know. And that, to me, leads to taking risks.”

Apparently, we can’t be reminded of this often enough.